How We Honor Our Dead
In the middle of our lives, we find our ancestor altar growing each year. We feel deep grief and loss missing our friends and family in their huggable, tangible, warm, mortal bodies, and yet we are relieved when they move beyond the burdens of their bodies rife with illness, suffering, and pain.
Death will call us home.
My great grandfather used to say, “I’m going to live as long as I’m alive!” He left this world long ago, but his words and deeds linger in me. He lingers in my bones, in my blood. He is always a part of me.
Each year as I tape his photo on the wall of our ancestor altar, I tell a story about him. I tell my daughter, who never knew him, your great-great grandfather was tall, loved to sing, and had an awesome garden. Remember him. We say his name. We sing his song.
We wake each day and say hello to our beloved dead, light the candle, and ring the bell. Each night we say goodnight, ring the bell, and blow out the flame.
We tell stories. We remember. We make them tea and pour them wine. We bring in fresh flowers and pastries, salt water taffy, and cigarettes. We brew them strong coffee—just the way he liked it—and sing their favorite song.
We sit nearby and talk to them. Wonder what they think of our clothes, of our homes, of our choices. We wonder what they are doing now and sometimes we ask aloud as if they are with us.
Because they are.
We love them so. We love them so.
We sit nearby and talk to them. Wonder what they think of our clothes, of our homes, of our choices. We wonder what they are doing now and sometimes we ask aloud as if they are with us.
Because they are.
We give thanks because we know that there is a rich, fertile gratitude that comes only from grief. Some mornings tears flow as the bell peals. Some evenings too.
I miss you Grandma. I sure do.
And one day, very soon we will take the altar down. Say goodbye for now. See you next year, or in our dreams, or in the realm of the dead. We see you. We see you. We see you.
We remember. And thank you. We remember and thank you.
We love you. We love you. We love you.
